There’s No Sex in Middle Earth!

„Does Gandalf know where all the gay bars are in Middle Earth?

[Thunderous laughter.] Of course not! Gandalf is 7,000 years old. There’s no sex in Middle Earth.

Are you sure? There’s some fan fiction on the Internet that would beg to differ.

Tolkien was the only authority on that world, and I don’t think he was very interested in sex, at least not with the evidence of Lord of the Rings. Other people can read into it what they like or what they can. But I don’t really see it. Although I have heard speculation that Sam and Frodo might be an item, but I don’t think Tolkien really saw it that way. I don’t think Peter Jackson does either.

Here’s a hypothetical epic battle: Albus Dumbledore versus Gandalf the White. Who wins?

[Long pause.] Well, the real wizard, of course.

And who would that be?

[Rolls eyes.] I cannot believe I have to answer these silly questions. The real wizard.

Your money’s on Gandalf?

Obviously.”